Cheater’s Rap

John Edwards talked about Dad’s mill,

While sleeping with a chick off the pill,

He lied and fibbed to the MS press,

And, awoke early to preen and dress.

John’s wife, Elizabeth, ate the lie in ‘06,

But supported John in Iowa while sick,

They stole Hillary’s honest votes daily,

And laughed on cue while hiding Rielle.

Why did John lie like a cheatin’ rat ?

No “New Deal” for the average Democrat,

While Obama and Hill fought on the stump,

John watched Rielle grow a bump.

John begged the papers, don’t print the story,

Knowing Iowans condemn the whorey,

Come on, Katie Couric, be a good sport,

And don’t be tipping off the Drudge Report.

Now John’s love child is common news,

And Fred Baron has money to lose,

Rielle, now nursing, has jetted away,

Even Geraldo has joined the fray!

John’s affair has hurt his poor kids,

More than Clinton’s cigars ever did,

A sordid tale that some call a crock,

The only winner, a loser named Barack!

Like dogs in heat, Edwards did pant,

Defined forever, just like Hugh Grant,

Tabloids paid to get the sleaze,

Is it John’s baby, mister please?

Vote for John Edwards, give me chills,

Meet you for sex in Beverly Hills,

John, don’t need to prove you ain’t a gay,

Just pony up to compare your DNA.

See Barack in Hawaii like Bobby Vinton,

Unaware the DNC plans to elect Clinton,

Edwards may face time from the tax man,

But not if a pardon is part of Obama’s plan.

While Elizabeth cried over her brood,

Baby mama with John was not a prude,

Gone the innocent days of Tom Sawyer,

John gettin’ love like a real trial lawyer.

I still think MSM is protecting John Edwards. I don’t see them hounding the guy at his front gate or taking pictures of them going to church like they did to Spitzer and his family. At least in Spitzer’s case, it was a hooker – no strings attached, no love child, just pure good old fashion sex!

I agreed with that sentiment, but no longer, thanks to John Edwards. I’ve been struggling the last two weeks for words to describe exactly how much of a douchebag he really is. And sadly, for the first time I find my native tongue wanting. The adjectives simply aren’t ‘there’ to accurately describe how much of a manipulative, calculating, reprehensible, scumbag, liar, phony, narcissistic, empty-suit, jackass he really is.

See that? My best effort to ‘capture’ the fundamental essence of John Edwards rings completely hollow, like calling the Grand Canyon a ‘really big ravine’. I would otherwise be embarrassed by my linguistic impotence, but I really don’t think it’s my fault. He has simply re-defined the boundaries of douche-baggery, shattering the power of words to define him. It is, in wierd sort of way, a mark of greatness. A legacy, if you will.

webofdeception.com

NYT has great writing though, just the prose. Post has great DC politico insider slant. And WSJ has magazine-like reviews, including actual analysis and allowing reporters to spend long time gathering information (versus daily newspaper tendancy to slap a few quotes into several inches, to have multiple stories on same thing, etc.) They each have their points.

Think where we would be without one news outlet telling the truth.