Home » Our Columns

A Modest Proposal

Charlie Johnston 29 February 2008 4 Comments

Inspiration has struck. I have come upon a solution to the problem of illegal immigration that will almost entirely eliminate it, vastly expand our economy, dramatically improve the economy of Mexico and inspire millions of Mexicans now here illegally to return to their native territory. It will enhance our own national security by making our southern border much easier to patrol. To wit, invite Mexico to petition for statehood. If she refuses, declare war and forcibly annex her. But if she forces us to go the latter route, she will have to spend 10-20 years as a mere territory or protectorate.

In an instant all the Mexican illegals here would become just as legal as a family who, say, emigrated from Nevada to Illinois. Landscaping companies would no longer have to do burdensome and expensive background checks. Employers would not have to worry about being caught between the twin pincers of being sued for discrimination if they were vigorous in those checks and being fined for hiring illegals if they were not. Identity theft would drop dramatically as our dear, fellow countrymen from the great state of Mexico would no longer need to steal valid social security numbers to get along. Our southern border would suddenly become only a fifth as long as it is – much cheaper for security fencing. On the southern border would be the tropical paradise and popular tourist nation of Belize and the friendly, lovely nation of Guatemala.

Now why, you might ask, would we want to annex a poor, backward, impoverished territory whose own people are regularly fleeing? Ah, but Mexico abounds in natural resources and people who want to work to build a life for their families. What Mexico lacks is honest government and police. Get friendly with any Mexican immigrant, legal or otherwise, and they will tell you the same sad story. They love their native land, just as I love Illinois, but the corruption that is ubiquitous keeps both the economy and the common people down. Mexico has all the resources and more than the great American southwest, which continues to boom economically. Now I don’t pretend that annexation would suddenly turn the great state of Mexico into an icon of pristine politics. But with U.S. Attorneys keeping an eye on things, it should quickly become the moral equivalent of, say, Louisiana, New Jersey or Illinois. And that would be enough to release the mighty economic potential that has been so long smothered beneath its culture of corruption. And whose economy would benefit from the vast growth in GDP once the Mexican economy was set free? Why, we would, because they are us and we are them.

But, you say, Mexico is an entire nation. We can’t do that!. Ha! Texas was an independent nation and we did it with her. But the Mexicans are a proud people, you argue. So were the Texans…and for that matter most of us are proud of both our state and our country. But it will have a big impact on our voting patterns, you argue. Well, Democrats are always trying to legalize as many new Mexicans as they can just before election time (remember 1996?) and promising that they are all that stand between the new immigrants and Republicans who want to send them back home. Ha! If we legalize them all, that argument is dead. They ARE home. And then Republicans can compete for their votes based on the values that that party and the culture of the common people of Mexico share. Hee hee, this makes Richard Nixon’s old southern strategy seem like small potatoes.

The government, not the people, of Mexico has encouraged its own people to come here, make money, and send as much of it possible back to Mexico. Disinclined to rob their own people (because their corrupt economy does not offer enough to rob) they send their people here to rob our economy. The government encourages its people to manage to get registered to vote here while inviting them to continue to vote in Mexico, thus disrupting our politics by injecting us with a voting element loyal to a foreign power. In the 1700’s, the 1800’s and the early 1900’s our ancestors did not keen and whine about fences and jobs and paperwork when confronted with such a scenario. They declared By God War and either conquered the offending territory or annexed and governed it. Ah, the days when men were men. Where’s a decent colonialist when you need one?

But the language problem, you might note. Balderdash! (I love that word, but don’t get nearly enough chances to use it). The southwest has been largely bilingual since the mid-1800’s. In 1898, when Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders gathered in San Antonio, Texas in preparation for transport to Tampa, Florida and then on to Cuba for the Spanish-American war, the townspeople provided a band that serenaded the troops every day. Prominent among the songs were Spanish favorites such as La Paloma for all the Mexican troops (regular and irregular, which were the words then for legal and illegal). As Europe took centuries shaping itself on the map people in many areas found themselves ruled by a nation with a different tongue every 20 years or so. They managed. We will, too.

Now if Guatemala and Belize are real nice, we might let them petition for statehood, too. If they aren’t, heh heh, annexation is always an option. Then we can turn our lonely eyes north to Canada. Manifest destiny beckons.


  • Joe D's Cousin Ralph (author) said:

    Your article has created quite a stir in New Jersey and Louisiana. Not because you suggest statehood for Mexico,mind you, but because you insinuate that New Jersey and Louisiana may be as corrupt as Illinois!

    By the way, if Venuzuela goes to war with Columbia do you modestly propose we help Columbia, beat up Chavez and make it and its oil our 51st State?

  • Joe D's Cousin Ralph (author) said:

    Your article has created quite a stir in New Jersey and Louisiana. Not because you suggest statehood for Mexico,mind you, but because you insinuate that New Jersey and Louisiana may be as corrupt as Illinois!

    By the way, if Venuzuela goes to war with Columbia do you modestly propose we help Columbia, beat up Chavez and make it and its oil our 51st State?

  • Giuseppi (author) said:

    Hot dog, now there’s a plan. If we help help Columbia and annex Venezuela, not only do we dramatically reduce our dependence on foreign oil, we get a southern base which might be rather helpful in our efforts to annex Mexico. I like it – you’ve got the right idea, boyo!

  • Rafael Rivero (author) said:

    I find your tone patronizing and crass, and would strongly recommend that you do some background research on a country before you call it “poor, backward, and impoverished.” The Mexican economy is actually rather strong and growing every day. I don’t know if the editorial board at the Chicago Daily Observer fell asleep at the wheel, or what, but if I were your boss this “commentary” wouldn’t have made it to print.

    From Wikipedia: The economy of Mexico is the 12th largest in the world[citation needed], with a gross domestic product (by PPP estimate) that surpassed a trillion dollars in 2004,[1] measured in purchasing power parity. Mexico has a free market and export-oriented economy and is firmly established as an upper middle-income country. According to the World Bank’s latest available figure (September 14, 2007), it has the highest income per capita in Latin America, in market exchange rates and the second in purchasing power parity.[2] Mexico is the only Latin American member of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. According to Golmansachs BRIMC review of emerging econimies, by 2050 Mexico will be the 6th largest economy in the world behind China, USA, India, Japan, and Brazil. [3].

Leave your response!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.