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Stupid Cupid

Daniel J. Kelley 30 April 2010 2 Comments

Carol Marin wants you to stand up and applaud. Rather than joining in the standing ovation, I choose to remain seated.

To paraphrase the Fats Domino lyrics, “Yes, its Deb Mell and she’s in love again.”

Mixing business with pleasure, Mell has decided to declare her love for Christin Baker on the floor of the Illinois General Assembly. Alas, their marriage will have to be solemnized in Iowa, however, as Illinois has never recognized same sex marriages.

For romantics like Marin and Mell, Illinois lawmakers receive no credit for being the first in the nation to decriminalize consensual sodomy nearly a half century ago. That was yesterday, what have you fascists done to enable our narcissism lately? Mell hopes to use her soaring oratory to advance the cause of gay liberation once again. It will be quite a gala occasion in the State Capitol.

In the legislature, Deborah L. Mell has been less than a model representative. In one of her first official acts, Mell was the lone legislator to oppose the impeachment of her brother-in-law, former Governor Rod R. Blagojevich. The final vote in the Illinois House was 117-1 to approve articles of impeachment and Blagojevich was subsequently removed from office by the state senate in 2009. In his former gubernatorial life, Rod’s good deeds included trying to act as a matchmaker. He frequently advertised Deb’s availability when he addressing gay and lesbian audiences.

In terms of her own political career path, Deborah has simply followed in Rod’s footsteps: when she was unable to earn a substantial livelihood for herself, she appealed to her father, Richard F. Mell, the alderman and Democratic ward committeeman of the 33rd Ward, for help and he put her into a salaried elective office. Prior to launching her career as an elected public official, Mell who has a culinary arts degree dating back to her salad days on Castro Street in San Francisco, had been working as a landscaper for a firm owned by Christy Weber, a lesbian businesswoman. Now, the Illinois taxpayers can support Deborah Mell in a style to which she was previously unaccustomed while laying sod, mowing lawns and raking leaves.

Before her initial election to the Illinois General Assembly in 2008, Mell’s most significant public act was her 2004 arrest for protesting the refusal of the Cook County Clerk to issue her license for a same sex marriage. Mell was unmoved by the fact that Illinois law did not provide for such a union and that the otherwise sympathetic County Clerk, David D. Orr, lacked the authority to accede to her demand. To Deborah’s credit, she has been nothing if not consistent in demanding to be married. Cynics, however, may point up the fact that Mell was spared the need for a same sex divorce. Modern relationships can be so transitory.

During her recent re-election campaign, Mell demonstrated her total lack of attention to details by submitting a nominating petition without having registered to vote at her new address. After a lengthy hearing, Mell’s candidacy was validated after Michael J. Kasper, the lead counsel to Illinois House Speaker Michael J. Madigan, argued that the Election Code article governing state representatives did not specifically require that an otherwise eligible candidate necessarily had to be a registered voter. The compliant Chicago Board of Election Commissioners accepted this statutory construction argument and the objector to Mell’s nominating papers did not seek judicial review claiming to lack sufficient funds to continue litigating the challenge.

What made Mell look doubly foolish is the fact that one of the papers included in her nominating petition was a statement of candidacy form in which she signed a sworn oath before a notary public that she was a qualified voter at her residential address. Although the objection was not subjected to judicial scrutiny, some observers believed that Deborah Mell actually could have been removed from the ballot on the basis of completing a falsely sworn statement of candidacy had the electoral board decision been appealed. Regardless of the outcome of the primary, in which Dick Mell’s precinct captains produced another victory for Little Debbie, Representative Mell further cemented her reputation as being something of a flaky air head.

In her recent column promoting Mell, Carol Marin proceeded to celebrate diversity by pointing out the fact that “antediluvian” Illinois is one of the states that refuses to recognize same sex marriages. In lauding the progressive states that accord “equal rights” to practitioners of alternative lifestyles, Marin neatly omitted to state the fact that with only two exceptions, such marital unions have been imposed by judicial fiat rather than by the state legislatures. For example, while praising our neighboring state, Iowa, for its progressive marriage laws, Marin, failed to mention that its state supreme court, not the state legislature, created a heretofore undiscovered constitutional right to same sex marriages without consulting the electorate. Overwhelmingly, where voters have been permitted to express their preferences at the ballot box through initiative and/or referenda voting, same sex marriages have been defeated. Moreover, in several states, including liberal California and Maine, voters used their ballots to repeal legislation authorizing same sex marriages. Voters in more than thirty states have banned same sex marriages. No state has ever approved such marriages via a referendum.

Far from being bigots and homophobes, some of us simply would prefer that our elected officials and celebrities simply refrain from parading their bedroom activities down Main Street. “The love that once dared not speak its name,“ to borrow a phrase from the editors of “The Nation Review,” has become “the love that will not sit down and shut up.” I would prefer that Mell attend to balancing the state budget rather than creating new entitlements and rights.

Oddly enough, the loudmouthed activists and their legal advocates have predicated their argument that same sex marriages are lawful based upon the constitutional right to privacy (a judicially created right not specifically enumerated in the US Constitution). Privacy is usually based upon quiet and silence, however, while Mell and others of her ilk want to parade their preferences in public while damning us for not applauding loudly enough. If you do not approve of their actions, they want to enact politically correct legislation to make approval compulsory.

Carol Marin is quickly proving herself to be the most vapid columnist at “The Chicago Sun Times.”

Daniel J. Kelley is a curmudgeon and a contributor to “The Chicago Daily Observer.”

2 Comments »

  • Pat Hickey said:

    “Carol Marin is quickly proving herself to be the most vapid columnist at “The Chicago Sun Times.”

    Well, runner-up anyway . . . it’s that damn patriarchal glass ceiling, Dan.

  • Johnny D. said:

    Well said, Dan!

    One would think that, representing a Chicago district in the midst of a crippling recession, she would have a hundred issues more important to her constituents and herself than this one, but…

    A Me Generation liberal state rep is sure to make a bigger deal about her own ability to file a joint tax return than about the inability of 10%-plus of her constituents to find a job. Taxes, spending, and regulations? Nope, she’s more interested in concentrating on the discrimination she imagines she suffers.

    JFD

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