No sooner had State Sen. Bill Brady been certified as the Republican nominee for governor than Pat Quinn issued a statement declaring there’s a “Grand Canyon” difference between him and the Republican lawmaker. He didn’t mention their differences on how to cover the state’s $12.4 billion state deficit but that Quinn detailed that at one time or other Brady opposed “[state] funding for mammograms and pap tests.” Brady is “a member of the extreme rightwing of the [Republican] party and far from the mainstream” said the Governor, citing also that Brady wants to “ban all abortions.”

That’s the sound of the Pander Bear.

Huh? If you are the governor responsible for trying to fill the $12.4 billion budgetary hole…and at the same time you view the “Grand Canyon difference” between you and your opponent involves disagreements on state funding of mammograms, pap tests and abortion…you’re a little weird, are you not? But it’s the sign of The Ursus maritimus making its appearance this year as in most other recent election years.

Quinn favors not just an income tax hike but is leaning toward getting rid of the state’s flat tax in favor of imposition of a “progressive” income tax? That’s not the Grand Canyon of differences but the Himalayan Canyon of differences…the Yarlung Tsanpo River Canyon of the Himalayans near Tibet contrasted to which the Grand Canyon is middle-sized.

Quinn Focuses on Social Issues. Not Fiscal Ones.

It’s also instructive to note that high up in the Yarlung Tsanpo River Canyon in the Himalayas which climbers rarely scale are a few rare species of the Russet-Colored Pander Bear about the size of the average house cat which has reddish fur. These are much rarer than the familiar black and white pandas in some American zoos.

Quinn should be familiar with it since he himself is a leading lefty of the species.  His introductory statement about the differences between himself and Brady emits the squealing sound endemic to the certifiable 100% liberal Democratic liberal.

What are the unique sounds of the Ursus Quinn ? Trying to size up differences between himself and Brady he fawns over feminists, choosing to center on subsidies for mammograms and pap tests…indicating that one who doesn’t charge the state for these tests is against them…touting that he is 100% in favor of abortion on demand, that he favors partial birth abortion and shares the view of Barack Obama that the “Born Alive” legislative bill Obama killed in the state senate is the latest sop to “ a woman’s right to choose.”

In other words to vote for a bill that would supply nourishment, medicinal aid and human comfort to a baby born live from a botched abortion would be a violation of a woman’s “right to choose.” This is what the No. 1 Pander Bear Obama has argued with no dissent from Quinn.

Since Quinn has decided the Grand Canyon gulf deals with social issues, let it be reckoned that both Quinn and Brady are Catholic and the central issue that divides them is the Himalayan towering one of pro-life…the issue Brady favors and the issue Quinn opposes. Quinn is a pro-abort notwithstanding that it is regarded as a serious breach by the Church Quinn continues to attend. Why does Quinn continue to attend the Church with which he disagrees on its central-most social policy?

Like other pro-abort Catholic members of The Squid it would be impolitic to separate from their Church because it would be to their political disadvantage to do so.

What sounds does the Ursus Quinn make?

“We’re in the worst financial calamity that the Great State of Illinois has ever had—and we’ve been a state since 1818…We must make sure to be true to everyday regular ordinary working families in the Land of Lincoln so that we have adequate revenue for important things all of us want in government…BUT ALSO DO IT IN A FAIR WAY. ..You’re all invited to the governor’s house because the governor’s house is THE PEOPLE’S HOUSE which we must make accessible to all—especially everyday ordinary working families in this Land of Lincoln. Remember when everyday regular ordinary working families work together in this Land of Lincoln, we can accomplish great things…so we CAN accomplish amazing things!”

What a career you’ve had as a Pander Bear, old Watery Eyes…starting out as a patronage lackey hod carrier working for the PEE-PUL’s governor Dan Walker in his Personnel Department…later mis-leading voters with your misnamed “Cut Back Amendment” which stripped power from the rank and file state legislators in the House and dumped it in the lap of the 4 Tops…getting fired by Harold Washington for incompetence and self-aggrandizement as the city’s Revenue Director…helping to elect and reelect the 2nd most crooked governor in Illinois history…stabbing him when it was apparent he couldn’t survive and assuming responsibility for piloting the state which is encumbered by a $12.4 billion debt.

You’re my man, Pat Quinn…and now that the identity of the Republican nominee is settled, I’ll do my utmost to see that Regular Everyday Ordinary Working Families who are burdened with high taxes don’t get hit again by your watery-eyes act…so that this coming November in the Land of Lincoln, Regular Everyday Ordinary Working Families keep your cliché-ridden posterior back to private life so you will get to understand what it is to be at one with Everyday Regular Ordinary Working Families in this Land of Lincoln. It will be good for your soul to reflect on how you have identified with the backsliding Canterbury Archbishop Thomas Cranmer…whose last words were “if only I had served my God as I served my…” substitute “own crass political interest.”

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Tom Roeser is the Chairman of the Editorial Board of the Chicago Daily Observer