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Grappling with Christie

Don Rose 3 April 2014 No Comment

I haven’t written anything about the Chris Christie-George Washington Bridge scandal because it’s been blanketed in the media, especially MSNBC and the New York Times. There was little to add until last week when Christie hired a friendly, business associated law firm to “investigate” the episode and prove him completely innocent.


paul christy

I can’t let this pass without comment.

First and foremost, the guy I once though was a smart, savvy politician turns out to be a complete blithering idiot.

Second, he must genuinely think all the rest us of collectively are blithering idiots.

Third—and maybe this should be first—he and his lawyers are sexists of the lowest order, commonly known as male chauvinist pigs.

Permit me to elucidate.

Point one, can anyone smarter than a rutabaga actually believe that the report he bought and paid for with taxpayer money has the least bit of credibility? Do even his closest pals believe a word of it?

For this savvy politician to spend a million taxpayer bucks on such a biased, incomplete, self-serving whitewash is pure idiocy. It’s transparent as Saran-wrap and twice as flimsy. That he would go to such a bizarre extreme only serves to make him look guiltier than before. At one time there was a glimmer of a possibility that a couple of his hirelings did it all on their own just because they thought it would please the boss or serve his interests.

As it stands now, the document becomes a torch of self-immolation. He would be much better off just letting things play out and stick to his plea of innocence.

Which brings us to point two. What kind of disrespect must he have for the intelligence of his fellow Republicans—to say nothing of the rest of us—to think anyone would buy the arguments and its conclusions? I know some wise-ass once said you’ll never go broke betting against the intelligence of the American people, but this “investigation” bids fair to be the exception that tests the rule. I can’t fathom anyone—even the most legendary, dim-witted Jerseyite—really thinks this proves Christie’s innocence.

But by far the most dastardly part of the document—which Christie surely read before releasing—makes a case that the lane closures and traffic jams were the work of a jilted woman who was never interviewed.

I don’t know what business the perpetrators of the document have suggesting that Christie’s former assistant chief of staff, Bridget Anne Kelly, was dating the governor’s campaign manager, who broke off the relationship, thereby sending the poor woman into a frenzy that made her order that catastrophic traffic jam.

Not only is this dime-store psychologizing inappropriate to the investigation and unfair to her, regardless of her role, but an insult to women everywhere. They might as well have added she was probably having her period. More likely it might get her angry enough to tell what she really knows.

The lawyers who brought forth this piece of excrement ought to be disbarred.

As to Christie, maybe the Republicans should nominate him for President.

Don Rose is a regular columnist for the Chicago Daily Observer

image Paul Christy, legendary Mt. Carmel Wrestler.

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