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The Right to a Ribeye: A New Civil Right for Beef Lovers

John Powers 28 February 2014 No Comment

I propose the following dialog between the O’Toole Brothers, James and Jerry, Cattle Ranchers from Central Illinois, in search of a new ways to promote Beef consumption for the Illinois Beef Producers.

**

Scene One: The O’Toole Brothers decide on a new spokesman

Jerry:  I just got my Maverick Box Set.  That James Garner never fails to deliver.

maverickbox

James: I think you are the world’s last James Garner fan.  You know the Rockford Files was canceled 30 years ago.  It’s time to move on.

Jerry: Garner still sells the beef, though
James: Maybe he could sell a brisket to Cybil Shepard, but he’s gone past his expiration date.  We need a new spokesman for Illinois Beef.
cybill-beef

 

Jerry: Well the kids today like the Rock-and-Roll Music, how about Paul McCartney?
James: I like it.  We’d get the youth market and I’ve had this idea for quite a while of a re-write of  ‘Let It Be’ that could really move some beef.  How does this sound to you?

When I find myself asking what’s for dinner
Darling now what could it be
If i want my meal delicious, Make it Beef
And in my hour of lunch
With a menu right in front of me
Satisfying and nutritious, make it beef make it beef

Make it Beef, Make it Beef
Make it Beef, Make it Beef

I desire a Ribeye, Make it Beef

sausagecover

Jerry: I think your on to something.  Let’s contact Paul’s agent and load up the cattle wagon, this is going to explode.

**

Scene 2: James contacts Paul McCartney’s Agent Stig O’Hara

Stig_O'Hara_Early_Takes_Volume_1

James: So for all the flank steak Paul can eat, we get to use his voice, image and songs to promote Beef sales and producers all over the United States
Stig: I like flanksteak as much as the next guy, but Sir Paul is a vegetarian and has been for years.  He is not going to to for this.
James: Hasn’t Paul evolved?  In the USA you can’t use your personal beliefs to decide who to do business with.  If I want Paul’s service’s he can’t discriminate against me, just because I’m a cattleman.

beefelliot

 

Stig: Paul McCartney has a long history of vegan practices and beliefs.  He has nothing against you personally Mr. O’Toole, he just doesn’t want to use his talent to affirm your choices.
James: Don’t be a hater Stig.  We are going to sue Paul, Apple Records and you personally Stig O’Hara if Paul does not provide services to us.
Stig: I give, can you promise not to involve Yoko in the litigation, we’ll play along.   Her voice is like sticking a sharp pencil in my ear.
James: Now your evolving, Stig.  Isn’t it easier just to go along than to follow what you claim to be in your conscience?

Scene 3 James and Jerry discussing a Judge’s Order that McCartney must Promote Beef

James: I don’t think Paul really put his heart into our theme song.  He sounds tired and distracted
Jerry: That’s not our theme song James, that’s his crummy Christmas song “Wonderful Christmastime”
James: That’s a relief.  That was so “awful and dehumanizing” I was thinking about going vegan myself.
Jerry: Sir Paul failed ‘to take into account the cost to society and the hurt caused to persons who are denied service simply because of who we are’, Cattlemen.
James: If Paul can make Mac and Jack work, the he can work with anyone.

**
John Powers is the President of the Chicago Daily Observer and a customer of the O’Toole Brothers Seed and Beef.

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